Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I stole a fireplace last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
