Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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