Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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