I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
