Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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