I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
