But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
