What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
