Duck Duck Cougar?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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