he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
