They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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