You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
