Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
