if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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