I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
