you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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