Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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