don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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