On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
