Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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