how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it glows. i had to have it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
