You really coming over, don't trick.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just tell him i said nine months
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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