dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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