Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize