Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
