I think im going to throw up on grandma
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You pole danced in your parka.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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