69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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