you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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