TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
