Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
