he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
