I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
