I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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