im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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