OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
