I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
