i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
