I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
where are my eyebrows?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
