It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
