What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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