Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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