dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
