i just wanna soil my oats bro
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Did I show you my penis last night?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
