Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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