Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
