Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i now understand why vodka
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
