bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
