Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
