Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
