Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
