Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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