She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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